Sunday, April 25, 2010

ini entry emo! emo tak habis2!

this entry should be posted last week but i forgot that i saved it as a draft. so here we are.. can u imagine urself being in my shoe? please -__-

when i was having my lunch just now, someone asked me..

shazea, why u amek IB eh? u ade options banyak but then u mcm takde options kan..

i told u guys rite? i'm doing IB for the sake of my dad , im sorry i cant help it, i still cant accept the fact that i should be doing IB for myself, for the sake of my future and for my parents of course! but then like i told ya i always feel that i am doing all this just to make my father happy. i told about this to my nenek but she said,

"fatin, its shaitan. never bother about it. they always want to make us feel sad and down" .

thanks nenek, i know but then i donno why :'( and sorry to abah too! i love you but i just cant, half of me wants to stay in IB. another half wants to get out from IB. i donno why i feel this way. i hate this feeling, sobs -___-

and again! i have no idea whether i should stay in IB for another 12 months or get the hell out from there and GET A LIFE! but then i still cant guarantee myself will be happy in a new place and get A BETTER LIFE >.< water-park kan? suke sgt mengalah apehal haaaa shazea??

tapi btol ape aku cakap :'(

everyone would say :

1. i have faith on you shazea :)
*OH PLEASE! sjak bile kau knal aku? sjak azali ke? pffft kalo abah aku yg ckp aku trime ah

2. be patient. everything will be okay, sume course susah, baek stay je dlm IB tu, dah nak habeh dah pon
*haaa ayat ne mmg slalu buat aku nak menangis melalak sume. memang la sume course susah and tgal staun lbeyh je lagi and mmg IB boleh guarantee hidup aku tapi whats the point of me doing IB if i could just get the passing marks? :'(

3. ala, kau boleh je lepas IB tu kalo kau boleh tgalkan TV, FB, MS, BLOG, TWITTER, FORMSPRING, BLOGSHOP kau tu buat sementara wktu..
*WTFish? i want a life ohkay! takkan la aku online kejap pon jadik masalah, mmg la kadang2 terlanjur gak tp aku taula aku ade assignment ade homework sume! aku bukan bodoh bangang pon!
okay dah dah izinkan aku berhenti di sini dgn soklan yg kdg2 bikin gua panas.

ya Allah azza wa jalla, tunjukkanlah aku jalan yg engkau redhai. jalan yg boleh membawa kebahagiaan kepada diriku, ibu bapaku, dan sekalian keluargaku. tolong lah hamba-Mu ini ya Allah. aku sgt buntu dalam membuat keputusan ini. keputusan yg akan menentukan masa hadapanku. aku mohon ya Allah, tidak tertahan dadaku kerana setiap malam menangisi nasibku dan tidak terlarat bagiku untuk menahan segala bisikan-bisikan shaitan yg sentiasa ingin menjatuhkan semangat ku. niat aku adalah untuk membahagiakan abah dan ibuku kerana merekalah aku telah berada di muka bumi ini selama 18 tahun lebih. tetapi dalam masa yg sama, aku juga mahukan ketenangan jiwa :'(

*sumpah la mengalir sket kan tacing kan -__-

tau tak ngape IB susah? workload doe! dalam seminggu bertimbun2 assignment. assignment aku laen. kne carry out research. english mst gila babs punye power ah, mmg sumpah ah laen. yela bukan la aku nk ckp yg aku punye course ne PALING BAGUS dalam dunia, tapi kau kne paham! eh, malas pulak aku nak terang. kau pegi search sndr ape tu INTERNATIONAL BACCALAUREATE.

lagi 1 reason adalah, kat tmpt aku tu 1 batch 15 org je. mcm ape kan? 15 org je. cmpur senior 30 org. bile mrajok ngn org tu mmg dh takbleh pegi tmpt laen dah T__T

aku tak biase cmni doe! hidup aku 5 taun kat asrama. ramai-ramai kawan kdg2 smp 400++ even tak knal sume org tapi atleast ade ramaiiiiiii org kat klas laen. aku rase kalo dulu aku msk UiTM aku tak mcm ne. masih gemok dan chubby sbb happy ngn hidup HAHAHA . hhpmmmpphh! tapi skrg ku tgok ape jd kat aku? tu br 1 sem weh? aku ade lagi 3 sem. tengok ah nanti. boleh nampak oesophagus aku je kot :[

penat kot membebel, CHOW! nak bersihkan lumut kat hidung jap, EUWWWWHHHH!

kenape fikiran aku makin sempit skrg?
kenape ape-ape aku buat je mesti ade je yg akan buat aku nangis ha?
kenape la cpat no tacing eh?
kenape..

8 comments:

nadd said...

yeaah shazzy.
but as for me, i have no option. budak scholar so i da pasrah, redha sume kan.
=.=

kan kan orang tak paham ib tu apa. then mule la macam, whats so fussy about ib. tokyahh ko! *ceh emosi jugak* diorang takde group4, takde ee, takde ia, takde worldlit, lab reports yg tebal2 tu, tok essay laggiii. pffft.
and cas jugak, 180 hours? fine, i mmg da pasrah gila. emosi jugak kdg2 tp nk buat mcm mana. dah Allah kasi macam niy, and this must be the best for me.

so shazzy, bukan senang nak senang. jom kita boleh buat niy jom :)

shazzy :) said...

nadd, i'll pull out soon :)

[~ killerzonboard~ ] said...

r u sure u want to pull out?
huhuh =p
all the best in what u gonna do..
once u alrdy decide it, then, juz keep on looking forward.. no turning back k.. dont look at the past..
gdluck~

sindaDila said...

sis , never ever give up taau . short term pain for the long term gain , insyaAllah .

kalau depressed , ingat je nenek sis cakap tuu . dila pun baca tadi , tesenyuum , rasa cam naik semangaat

praying the best for u k (:

shazzy :) said...

yes hakim, and i dont want to listen to anyone who wants me to stay here anymore. enough with 1 year of sufferings haha

shazzy :) said...

thnks dila dear but then i dont think i can stand this anymore =.=

azaliahjsalleh said...

syg chill k

shazzy :) said...

huiyoohhh chill la sgt =.=

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